Friday, April 24, 2009

Cinema Jeremé

When all is said and done, Ron’s a pretty modest guy—he doesn’t like to brag. So let me do that for him: the guy’s a legend, and he’s been in over 2000 films. The following is small list of what I consider to be his best acting work:

Susie Chang’s Crab Roll (1983)

Ron’s one and only contribution to Asian cinema, in which he plays a Sushi Chef in search of the perfect raw fish.

Nun-Fuckin' 17--Get In The Habit (1987)

Famously boycotted film, not by religious leaders, but by fans of "Nun-Fuckin'" 1-16, who felt 17 did a disservice to the series.

Fuck Me Or Die Hard (1991)

In the early 90’s, Ron’s agent convinced him to try the action genre. The film tanked stateside but did killer box office overseas, and it launched the ubiquitous catchphrase: “I wanna fuck you like it’s Hanukkah!”

A Streetcar Named Cunnilingus (1993)

Ron tried to one-up his former Stella Adler classmate, Marlon Brando, in this classic film shot in sumptuous black and white. Ron played “Manly Kowolski” opposite Ginger Lynn’s “Snatch DuBois.”

Blowlita (2000)

In an effort to shake things up, producers decided to remake Kubrick's classic by going the opposite way, having Ron be fixated on a 96-year old woman. Critics applauded the brave conceit, but audiences could not stop throwing up.

Napoleon’s Boner Part (2005)

Ron’s only historical drama, famously known for its tagline: “He saw. He Conquered. He came.”

No Cunt For Old Men (2008)

Audiences were sharply divided over the controversial ending, in which Ron sits at a table and describes a dream to co-star Sasha Grey, instead of fucking her brains out.

As far as I know, Ron’s the only person who was eligible for a Lifetime Achievement award at the age of 26. So long.
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