Friday, July 17, 2009

Dear Flabby

Dear Ron Jeremy's Dick,

I'm a 27 year old man who has a thing for older women. My current girlfriend is 91. She gives killer blowjobs, but intercourse is always so tentative, due to the fragility of her bones. Any tips?

Turning Geria-tricks

Dear Gerry,

Just fuck in positions that don't force her to bear your weight. Take her from behind (make sure she's holding on to a walker or the bars on either side of the toilet) or have her mount you. If you do it right, it's not her bones you have to worry about; it's her heart. They like it when you blow your load quickly, so give her your own early bird special. If you pull out and cum on her, make sure it doesn't get in her eyes, as her cataracts make her vision cloudy enough. I hope that helps, and I'm sorry for your loss soon.


Dear Ron Jeremy's Dick,

If functions f and g are such that f(x) = g(x) + k where k is a constant, then does f '(x) = g '(x) + k or does f '(x) = g '(x)?


Let's see, I'd say f '(x) = g '(x), because the derivative of a sum of two functions is equal to the sum of the derivatives of the two functions and also the derivative of constant is equal to zero.


Dear Cock,

Did you watch the moon landing?

I once got sucked off by an opera star while she was humming an aria--trust me, you don't know pleasure until you're stroked by a larynx. Oh, but you asked about the moon landing. Yes, I watched it.

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