Tuesday, June 16, 2009
I get a lot of inquiries about “Phallus!”, the musical I wrote and starred in back in 1988. Told as a "Beauty and the Beast"-type fable, it was a critical darling but a box office flop, closing after a sold-out dress rehearsal. Here’s the well-known song “My Love, My Heart”, when my character, Dick, finally comes out of the shadows to reveal himself to his true love, Anne.
My heart cannot contain this feeling that I feel.
I need to see you now, to know that you are real.
A love like ours is like no other that I know.
Reveal yourself and let your inhibitions go.
My love. My heart. My Dick.
Oh Anne I fear that when you see me you will leave.
And if it happens that’s a loss I cannot grieve.
A love like ours is like a rainbow in the sky.
So many colors, so much beauty, I could die.
My love. My heart. My Anne.
Come out now from the darkness.
And show yourself to me.
I’m vulnerable and stark, miss.
Prepare your eyes to see!
Dick finally reveals himself to Anne.
Good Christ, sir, you’re enormous.
A ten-inch tower of love.
A quarter of an inch less
But ten when I’m with glove.
I’m sure that you’re the one for me.
And I’m the one for you.
You penetrate my soul.
And you my hoo-hoo hole.
Yes, you’re the one for me, miss.
I want no other penis.
My love. My heart. My all!