Thursday, July 30, 2009

Hard Questions

My mind wanders like anyone else's during uninspired sex, so today I begin a series wherein I pose questions that have occurred to me while fully engorged, but disengaged.

#1 Why Does Obama Smoke Cigarettes?

Rather, why does he still smoke? If there is literally anyone in the world who has the responsibility--the moral obligation, even--to quit smoking, it's that guy. Yeah, yeah, he's trying to quit. So are millions of people. But Obama's not one of millions; he's one in millions. He's the fucking President! And if that's not reason enough, these days he's trying to convince America that a substantial part of health care reform is prevention and wellness, which will save us a shitload of money down the road. I couldn't agree more, and so I do 100 dick-ups every day before RJ even wakes up (which I accomplish by thinking alternately about Jaclyn Smith and Tyne Daly).

As a role model to disenfranchised black kids, he is phenomenal, having taught them--and us all--by example that with hard work and commitment, any American can become President. From that statement, we infer that to become President means to reach the absolute height of achievement--although I can make the case that the height of achievement is getting blown by the cast of Saved By the Bell (and I mean all of them). But as they say, with power comes responsibility, and if the man with the most stressful job in the world can quit smoking, then anyone can. So, Mr. President, show us your balls. You can orate better than anyone. You have vision, intelligence and conscience. A little will-power would do more for health care than all the concessions you've been offering those Blue Bitch Democrats and the Republican Potty. Don't be a jive turkey--quit cold turkey. Today.
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