Wednesday, July 22, 2009
I got some great news yesterday! Rieber Hall Home Entertainment has decided to put out a DVD compilation of my television guest appearances, from 1970 to 2000. The working title, “30 Cock: Thirty Years of Ron Jeremy’s Dick on TV”, will feature my cameos in over 15 different series throughout the years, and I’ll of course do commentary and a live interview. I’ve known about this for sometime, but I didn’t think it would actually happen. That’s because every one of the shows I filmed never actually aired on TV, though they still appear in the respective episode guides of each series. Also, Rieber Hall is a fairly new company, whose only claim to fame thus far is “Lewis Rukeyser’s Wallstreet Week: The Complete Series.”
Among the highlights of my boxed set:
“The Brady Bunch” (1971)
Episode #244 “Meet George Glass”
After months of believing him to be imaginary, Mike and Carol are shocked to learn that not only does Jan’s boyfriend, George Glass, exist—but he has an enormous cock (my first TV appearance.) Marcia’s jealousy prompts her to find her own well-endowed boyfriend, but when he stands her up for the school dance, she is forced to bring her brother, Greg, whose penis is a disappointing 5 inches.
Episode #1151B “RIP, PP”
In order to save a wounded soldier, Hawkeye must amputate his gangrenous penis, and then decides to hold a mock funeral for the disembodied member. When Frank and Houlihan protest the ceremony, Hawkeye plays a practical joke, switching the penis with one of Houlihan’s dildos. Note: In the original script for this episode, both Frank and Houlihan die from gangrenous orifices. Eventually, that script and the filmed episode were thrown out, but I was lauded by the show’s producers for my realistic portrayal of a dead dick.
“Punky Brewster” (1984)
Episode #621 “Merry Xmas, Punky”
Punky’s life is forever altered by the sudden appearance of her long-lost uncle, Stuart, who teaches her the true meaning of Christmas. This is the only show in the collection where I got to play a character other than myself. Unfortunately, the network was horrified by the scene where I’m disguised as a shopping mall Santa and Punky sits on my lap. The visual alone was enough for them to shelve the episode, but they were further disturbed by Punky’s line: “I didn’t know what I wanted for Christmas until the moment I sat down here, Santa!”