Hi-Yo Silver!

I’ve worked with every dick, cunt, big mouth and asshole in the business. Well, not quite. There was one penis I never got to see in person, and I sure wish I had, because humility is never a bad thing. It belonged to an adult film star named Long Dong Silver. Accounts of its size vary depending on who you ask. I’ve heard it was 18 inches. I say “was” because I think LD is dead. In this age of Google, you’d think it would be a simple matter to find out if someone was alive or dead. But I can’t find any information about him. Of course, that just adds to the myth. No less a public figure than Justice Clarence Thomas has spoken of Long Dong Silver’s cock with reverence (the revelation of which was an historic moment for big dicks). Some say it wasn’t completely real—that it was part prosthetic. I don’t know. Truth is, I really don’t want to know. I like the idea that somewhere out there lives (or lived) a pole that dwarfs even me. On some level, just knowing it may be out there relieves me of some kind of responsibility. I like to think that maybe it’s watching over me. Yeah, I grew up big and strong; I’ve made my name. But deep down, don’t we all want to feel like we’re in the presence of something greater, something truly awesome? If you’re out there, you magnificent stretch of pipe, thank you for keeping me grounded; thank you for teaching me that we live a fleeting existence where glory like yours can come and go, never to be witnessed again. So long, Dong. So very long.