A friend of mine asked me if I had a problem with the title of my new movie, "One-Eyed Monster."
"Bit demeaning, don't you think?"
"How so?" I asked.
"Well, for one thing, you're a cock, not a monster."
"But I play a monster."
"Yeah, the title's a play on that, but it refers to a common slang for penis."
"Ok, I see that. But I guess I just figured that I am, you know, sort of a monster. Being my size and all."
"That's a pretty shallow definition of monster. Lots of things are big and they're not called monsters. I see it as more of a reference to your nature (not your "character," we've already established that)." Look, I'm an anus. Someone casts me in movie called "The Asshole," I'm gonna have a problem with that.
"So you wouldn't take the role."
"Depends on what it pays."
Then I remembered--my friend's an asshole.