Thursday, April 2, 2009

My First (Blog) Entry!

Hey, this is my first blog! It's a little intimidating, but there's a lot of this stuff out there so why shouldn't I contribute too? Yeah, it might be vanity, especially if no one's reading this (if a penis the size of a tree falls in the forest...rimshot please! (and I've done my share of those) ANOTHER RIMSHOT! Okay, well, as Jermaine Jackson once sang, let's get serious.

So, I'm in therapy (yeah, it's cliche, but cocks are sensitive; if we weren't, there'd be no human race and here endeth the lecture). Anyway, in therapy yesterday the doctor (for obvious reasons I don't like to use the word shrink) said something that really opened up my eye. I've been unusually preoccupied with the state of our economy, and naturally she was looking for the symbolism, and naturally she found it. So much of the talk about the economy, be it on tv or among friends, has included terminology that's close to my art, if you know what I mean. What was once strong and robust is now shriveled, weak, deflated. The TARP is basically an artificial infusion to help pump it up--you see where I'm going with this. If it can happen to the most powerful economy in history.... But the real breakthrough came when we discussed deregulation, corporate malfeasance and companies like AIG. Yeah, bonus sounds like boners, but my realization was a little more sophisticated. Basically, I'm one of those companies--I'm simply too big to fail. It's not a totally clean metaphor because, among other things, my size is God-given, and not the result of greed or deregulation. But if you've seen my movies, then you know my practices have been occasionally predatory (just ask Ginger Lynn's ass), and there've been pussies over the years--I'm not naming names--from whom I've picked up some toxic assets. I could probably play with this all day, but in the end, it's about my value to the economy (and let's face it, right now porn is probably the only healthy part of that) and about the dependence on me for jobs, albeit of the blow and hand variety. If I'm not AIG, I'm definitely BIG. And like that other company, my size is the object of a lot of resentment.

Like I said, it was a heavy session and more than a few tissues were called for, which reminds me of this line from a song, I forget the name:

...and I will always cry white tears.

I guess that's enough for now. Stay tuned, though. I've got a lot of my mind, and I've never been shy about sharing myself with others. Now don't roll your eyes too much, I realize it's a bit obvious, but I came up with a signature sign-off:

So long.
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