Friday, April 3, 2009

Random Thoughts on my Oscar chances

While I wouldn't totally rule it out, I doubt I'll get an Oscar nomination for my performance in "One-Eyed Monster." It's not because I didn't nail it. I nailed it. No, the truth is, dicks are kinda the last minority to achieve Oscar glory. Hell, it's tough enough just to get cast in a movie. Can you name any movies featuring dicks (and you can't say "Philip Marlowe" or "anything with David Spade")? Roles for dicks are rare, which is why I think the Fields Bros. should win a Humanitas Award or something. Granted, they didn't exactly give me a role that wins Oscars. Put me in a scene where my puppy gets run over, I swear I will have you weeping for three days. Let me kill myself to save a friend and thereby find redemption for my brutal past, I promise you will have such a deep conversation with your date after the movie that the night will end up with YOUR dick in a starring role.

Until then, I'm grateful just to be working. "One-Eyed Monster" is a fun ride, and I enjoyed the experience. But someday...I keep a thank-you speech buried in my nut hair, just in case.
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