Monday, July 20, 2009

Goin' (RR) Postal

My movie, “One-Eyed Monster” premiered on The Movie Channel last Saturday night. So today I beg your indulgence and hope you’ll allow me to blog rhapsodic. By all accounts, it was a big success—certainly if the Twitterverse has anything to say about it. The tweets were free and flowing after the movie screened, all extremely complimentary. The lovefest extended to the IMDB boards, where one viewer, screen-named LANDGABRIEL, wrote:

I am not sure where to pick up this gem, but if you can find it check it out. It has some great moments. It drags a little in some parts but the zaniness of it all more than makes up for it. Jason Graham plays a great deadpan bad-ass military type. Charles Napier of A-Team fame has an awesome grizzled vet monologue that he aces. Ron Jeremy, well it's Ron Jeremy for the first act then his one eyed monster takes over! Trust me, it is a highly entertaining film.

This was answered by a posting from a screen-name, RRPOSTAL, who wrote the following:

Ugh, I couldn't agree less. The only thing worse than pr0n (sic) stars trying to make a real movie is when they try to make a real horror/ comedy. This type of movie is pretty hard to make in the first place in my opinion. There are few that find the right balance. Honestly porn stars are really only in movies for one reason, and humor isn't it. Unless of course you think it's funny to hear Ron Jeremy say "I'm not wearing a sweater". Ha! get it?!? He's hairy! What a corker! Or how about this winner, "Everybody! there's a dick in Angel's mouth!" [no reaction] "yeah?"..."it's not attached to anyone!" What a hoot! Picture Ron Jeremy's life if he had a normal wiener. That's how sad this flick is.

You might wonder why I’m posting such a negative review. Simple. As Voltaire is thought to have said, I may not agree with what you say, but I’ll defend to the death your right to say it. This is America. And RRPOSTAL, an obvious premature ejaculator, has the right to criticize my movie. I whole-heartedly respect his total lack of a sense of humor. It’s extremely important not to disenfranchise the mentally challenged—they have just as much right to post to the IMDB as those whose IQ’s at least register on some sort of scale. As a patriot, I feel proud to allow this probably-46-year-old-man-who-still-lives-with-his-mother to air his grievances and perpetuate the onslaught of bitter opinions from people who are so desperate to be heard and finally have their forum through the internet which provides them with the anonymity they need lest we discover how truly lonely they are.

RRPOSTAL—I love you. You are my brother, my friend, my fellow American, and someone I hope to always, always never know personally.

Don’t let anyone ever tell you Ron Jeremy’s dick can’t take criticism!
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