Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Good Sex-ting & Dick's Picks

Click to engorge

Another day, another blog entry. I usually take my place at the computer and start with some playful keystrokes, nothing concrete in mind. If I'm tired it can take a little while before an idea hits me. Soon enough, though, the creative juices start flowing through me, and the words that emerge as my strokes begin to quicken become more and more provocative, that's right, I'm waking up, my senses are sharpening, a joke here, a pun there, a rant takes shape and I'm seeing the full flowering of a position--I need a word for...where's my dicktionary? Ah, that's it, that's the word I'm looking for, good! Good! I've set it up, the premise is there it's all there, the arguments made, concessions offered but now it's time to bring it home, I'm ready for the payoff but I need one final line, one glorious turn of phrase and then I'm there, come on come on! What is it?? Oh! Yes! I have it! Here's the punchline--a devastatingly funny and cogent gush of literary bravado I'M BLOGGING, I'M BLOGGING, I'M BLOGGING!

Typing....few...more letttters....zzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Okay, I'm back.

There's a scene in "One-Eyed Monster" where the eternal question is posed: If you could fuck anyone in any orifice, who would it be and how would you do it? Considering how many women I've had over the years, it's difficult to imagine that there might be holes out there I still pine for (and I do mean pine). Here are a few off the top of my head:

Maureen Dowd
Lisa Bonet
Courtney Cox
Thandie Newton
Joan Allen
Lois Griffin
Jane Fonda
Kelly Pickler
Penelope Cruz
The Brady Girls

Susan Anton
Gloria Steinem
Carla Gugino
Annette O'Toole
Chelsea Clinton
Mel Harris

Farrah Fawcett (when she's 90 I will still want to nail her)
Catherine Zeta Jones
Jessica Harper (circa 1983)
Anna Paquin
Kim Richards
Debra Messing
Jan Smithers
Meredith Baxter Birney
all the In Living Color "Fly Girls"
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