Thursday, May 21, 2009


Say what you want, but I think it’s downright irresponsible to ignore what is arguably the biggest show on television. And while today’s weblogs are drowning in post-show analysis, how many of them offer the prospective of a 10-inch flesh rod?

Yes, readers, it’s time for my American Idol recap, exactly as I remember hearing things night:

“THIS…is American Idol”

“ Stop it.”


“Because I want to watch ‘Idol’”.

“Here…now we’re watching ‘Idol’, but honey, I have GOT to see those tits.”

“Ronnie, you just don’t quit.”

“….now let’s go over to the other side and talk to Adam Lambert’s paren—“



“I’m on my period.”

“Sweetie, can I show you something.”

“…ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Lionel Richie!”

“Oh my sweet Jesus, it looks like it’s breathing.”

“It’s breathing for you, honey.”

“….final Ford Focus video of the season…”

“Put it in put it in put it in put it in!”

“Actually, I kinda wanna see this. Adam with Queen. Perfec—“

“Goddamn it put it in!”

“Okay, baby….here it comes…”

“…winner is…Kris Allen!”

“What the fuck?!”

“What the fuck!”

“What the fuck?”

“Put it in!”

“I don’t believe it.”

“Ron, it’s shrinking. Hurry!”

“I’m at loss.”

“I guess I am, too.”
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