Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Ron's Monster Was Here

I’ve been getting a lot of mail recently asking about my acting work outside of porn, and “One-Eyed Monster”. It’s understandable that many of you would be unfamiliar with my career; sadly, it’s because with the exception of one major film, every part I ever played on screen got left on the cutting room floor. In the future, I plan to write about some of those movies, and in each case, why I eventually went the way of Kevin Costner in “The Big Chill”.

But today, what’s on my mind is one particular heartbreak: “The Shawshank Redemption.” From the moment I read the script, I knew it was destined to become the masterpiece that it is. I’d been friends with Frank Darabont in the early 90’s, and it was I who introduced him to Stephen King at Hugh Hefner’s annual Tacos and Tits Cinco De Mayo celebration. So it was a huge honor to have a part written especially for me.

Here's a tiny sample from the original script:

EXT. Prison Yard –Day

The prisoners are gathered in the yard, in groups of four or five. Some are talking, others are lifting weights. RED is tossing a baseball with HEYWOOD, when ANDY saunters up to him.

I understand you’re a man who knows how to get things.

I’ve been known to locate things from time to time.

I wonder if you could get me a giant cock?

Okay, obviously I didn’t appear in that scene but you can see how it set up my eventual appearance. In the original script, Andy is able to tunnel out in a matter of hours, given my enormity. But the studio was unhappy with the dailies, and Frank realized it would probably be more dramatic for it to take Andy 19 years to tunnel out. That's when I got replaced with a rock hammer.

P.S. I referred at the beginning to a major film where I wasn’t cut. It was “The Piano.” A lot of people think that was Harvey Keitel’s penis, but no, it was me. Like DeNiro for “Raging Bull”, I lost a ton of weight for that part so I could appear much smaller.

Don’t ever accuse me of not being dedicated to my art.
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