Thursday, May 14, 2009

Venus' Half Shell


Hi everyone! Wow…I have to say I’m very honored to have been asked to guest blog for Ron Jeremy’s dick. He’s got a big audition today for a new reality show (“I’m A Celebrity’s Cock, Get Me Out of Here!”) and told me I was his first call.

So. Okay. I’m a little nervous that I won’t be as entertaining as he is, but I’ll do my best. I guess I’ll start by introducing myself.

I’m Jenna Jameson’s vagina.

I don’t have the resume RJ’s D has, obviously, but if you’ve watched porn over the last 10 years, you’re still very familiar with my work. I’ve been penetrated by the best in the business. I must say, also, that I feel very fortunate to have appeared in films at this point in history. I’m talking about the Brazilian Wax point in history.

That trend really took off about 10 years ago, and it powerfully increased my visibility in the industry. I feel sorry for Annette Haven’s pussy. Now there was a real talent of 70’s hard core, but she never got recognized on the streets. How could she? Annette obscured her with a veritable black forest. Back in those days, it used to look like guys were fornicating with Chia Pets.

So I did well for myself.

And yes, like Ron Jeremy’s dick, I made my attempts to try different roles over the years. I don’t have the equivalent of his star turn in “One-Eyed Monster”. The closest I came was when I auditioned a few years back for the feature film, “Teeth”. They ended up casting some unknown cunt in the role.

Ugh, I sound bitter. Probably not the best use of this blog. I should make some sort of statement, right? Like as a role model. Okay…I wanna say something to all my fellow vaginas, but especially to those in the business: grow old gracefully! This whole trend to be rejuvenated is just so much bullshit. Clearly dreamed up by some male pig who claims we need to feel tighter, when the real problem is his tiny, pathetic cock and its inability to feel our wet walls.

Not bad, huh? I’m a snatural!
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