Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Don't Cry For Me Governor Sanford

You can say that it’s “to serve the public trust”, or “to make a difference in this world”, but let’s face it: the real reason men get into politics is…(drum roll)….FUCKING! They want to get laid. And let me tell you, there’s more shtupping going on in Washington these days than in the entire adult series “Ginger Lynn’s Gang Bang Follies”, and I’m including “Gang Bang Follies 16”, where Ginger makes love to the entire population of Guam.

Of all the sex taking place in the capital, the majority of is extramarital. Why? Because they get away with it. Governor Mark Sanford is admitting his affair and stepping down for only one reason: because he got caught. I guess I’d be lying if I didn’t take a certain delight in the fact that he’s a Republican, that sanctimonious group of cum-swappers who held Clinton to the fire for getting some sweet Jewish head. The hypocrisy is simply too easy to point out. But make no mistake: there are hundreds of other extramarital affairs happening as I write this. Some will get caught, others won’t.

I’d like to make one other point: guys often attribute their indiscretions to “the power of the pussy”, or will excuse their behavior by saying they were simply “thinking with their dick.”

It’s all bullshit. Yes, I think. If there’s one thing I hope this blog has proved, it’s that I have an active mind, full of a myriad of thoughts. But in the end, I have never entered an orifice without Ron’s intention to do so. By the same token, a pussy does not have power, at least in the sense that it can force you to penetrate it. Jenna Haze’s pussy is powerful, but that’s because it can lock around me like a fleshy vice in a perverted shop class.

Governor Sanford did not think with his dick. I know this for two reasons: the first is that I actually met his dick once at the Washington Correspondents dinner. It was very humble and polite, and was more interested in talking sports than pussy. The second reason is simply a summation of my blog today: the man is an egomaniacal, power-loving politician.

No Governor, this was all you. You, sir, chose to tango with your Argentinian friend, not your dick. Now face the cocksequences.
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